apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
