My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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