last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
