Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize