so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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