I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
