:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
