do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Can you bring me the toilet please
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
