maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize