So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
