Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
