just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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