I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
