Plan B is the new Plan A
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
