The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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