i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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