I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
