Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dignity is for republicans.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
