rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
