I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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