at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
