So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
