I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
