I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
