everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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