"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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