i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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