he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
