I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
