Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Randomize
