NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
