Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
