Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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