Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
