I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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