This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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