Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
