if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
