why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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