thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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