A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
