If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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