he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
