scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
