On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
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Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
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You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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