so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
