It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
