I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
