I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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