return my video game
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
