She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
