never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You left your phone here
Wait...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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