Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just want to make out with him forever
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
And then he peed in my hair
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