It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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