yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
