I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
