you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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