it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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