Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
