is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
