I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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