You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
