You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
