i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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