turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
