I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
